Wonderful News

I am absolutely delighted to share with you all the results of the latest Policy Committee meeting. After extensive discussion, and with approval of the Melford Town Council, I signed off today on the Library’s new policy statement on plastic explosives. For your information—particularly for those of you with late books and fines—I now provide it. I would just like to say this was a hard-fought battle for the soul of librarianship and the public good, as well as a kick in the teeth for Eunice and her rabble.

“Policy LS-35.07.03: Plastic Explosives

"Policy Objective
The purpose of this policy is to balance the inevitably competing concerns of public safety and library integrity, and shall fall under the direction of the Deputy Director, Security.

"Scope of Application
There arise, from time to time, Holdings Recovery situations where every method sanctioned in this Manual has not resolved with a Recovery. In these cases, the DDS shall authorize the Tactical Response Squad (TRS), operating in concert with Fine Enforcement Branch (FEB), to employ plastic explosives for the purpose of fulfilling a Recovery.

"Operational Constraints
The library shall use no plastic explosives other than Semtex or CHEMEX (C4). Use of other explosives shall be a violation of Melford Central Library Policy. Plastic explosives shall only be deployed given all of the following conditions:

• The combined value of all late holdings and fees must exceed fifty (50) dollars;
• The delinquent patron shall have a TANDEMS rating of 4 or higher;
• The FEB shall supply intelligence confirming that the use of explosives will increase the Recovery Probability to at least 50%;
• A summary of prior recovery efforts shall have been supplied to the Library Director by the DDS.
  

"Accountability

Following a Recovery Event, the DDS will submit a summary the Library Director within 5 working days.”

How exciting to see our Library moving forward! I will let you know that the policy survived every single attempt by Eunice and the Circulation wets to have it watered down, including their attempt to ban explosives outright. No doubt my stern and vigorous presentation to the Melford Town Council sealed my victory, and I make no secret of the likelihood that I will use this feat to wage further war against those ninnies at the front desk.

Well, I must be off. I have a meeting with a materials broker who can get us a good contract price on Semtex. We must use the public’s dollar wisely, so expect negotiations to be vigorous.

Safe reading,
Margaret

A Fellow Gardener

Now that fall is here, everyone in Melford is finishing up the last of their yard care. Everywhere one looks, people are raking and bagging, preparing for the first snows. It is also the time of year when many people cut back on their socializing and retire to the coziness of home, turning their attentions inward. But the affairs of others never lose their hold on some.

I was walking through the main floor of the Library just this morning, when I looked across the room towards Reference and saw Eunice at her desk. Rather than talking to patrons or organizing books as she should normally be doing, I saw her with her nose buried in a stack of archived newspapers, while on her computer she had opened up several issues of the New York Times. I returned to my desk until lunchtime, when I got up and went back to Reference.

By sheer coincidence, Eunice was away at lunch, so I took the opportunity to examine her desk, and was quite puzzled to see that she was going over copies of various international newspapers from ten years ago, along with some books on terrorism. She had also accessed several editions of the Times from 1996 and ’97, and had printed hard copies of some articles on the Middle East.

Around mid-afternoon, I chanced to walk past Eunice’s desk and greeted her. She seemed somewhat put off, knowing me to be someone frequently absorbed by my work. We exchanged some conversational pleasantries, though all the while she was nervously shuffling the papers on her desk, which I took no notice of. I commented that it was a beautiful fall day, and that she might like to come have a look at the garden with me. She rose slowly from her desk and we went upstairs.

The second floor of the Library has a large window with an excellent view of the garden. As we walked up to it, I was quite surprised by the unexpected sight of Leo and Yussuf out in their gardening clothes, gathering huge piles of limbs and branches from a recently felled tree. The noise outside must have been deafening, for they had hauled onto the Library lawn an enormous, gas-powered wood chipper, into which they were feeding whole limbs at a fiendish rate.

Eunice expressed her horror that her favorite elm had been felled. I wondered aloud if perhaps the tree had grown too close to the Library, overreaching itself, thus leaving Leo and Yussuf no choice but to dispose of it. I commented on the machine, saying how remarkable it was that it could take whole limbs of green wood and grind them to a colorless pulp. I suggested it would be impossible for even the most experienced investigator to guess the origin of that pile of dust. What a mercy, I said, that those men are skilled at handling so dangerous a device.

The recent frost seems to have brought a bug around town. I can scarcely go into a shop in Melford without hearing someone coughing or sneezing. Eunice, too, must have caught the virus, for as I turned to look at her, she had gone completely pale, and stared at me with parched, unmoving lips. She did not seem at all well.

I took the poor creature by the arm and guided her back to her desk. After she seated herself, I stacked up all her recent findings and offered to clean the mess up for her. What a dreadful thing it is to be ill. All she could do was sit there and stare straight ahead, her chubby little hands clasped tidily before her on the desk, her face damp with perspiration. Thus I left her, and once back in the Security Section had Albert dispose of the whole mess in the incinerator.

The workday is over and I should be going too. I have a stew simmering in the crockpot, and plan to enjoy that comforting cold-weather food by the fire tonight while listening to the radio.

Safe reading,

Margaret

Press Release: Melford Town Council

Melford Town Council Clarifies Contract, Looking Forward to Further Success

Today, Mr. Stan Aldritch, Melford Town Councilman responsible for the Parks and Library, released the following statement in response to inquiries from the media:

“Several persons have recently either placed inquiries or made allegations in regards to the Melford Central Library’s business partnership with TDA Holdings, Inc. This is a private-sector firm that partners with the Library through the Security Section’s Fine Enforcement Branch (FEB), the intelligence division of the Section, under the capable leadership of Ms Margaret Hurtubise.

“The Town is aware that TDA is controlled, through a 51% share ownership, by Zamyatin Enterprises, a Russian firm that has received some media attention in recent months. In the tendering process for the FEB partnership contract, the Town observed the highest standards of scrutiny and proposal review. All documents were reviewed by qualified legal and accounting professionals, and the entire tendering and approval process was in compliance with the laws of the Province of Ontario.

“The Town imposed numerous concrete performance requirements in the contract, and is pleased to report that TDA has met or exceeded all expectations. A recent contract performance review by an independent auditor revealed no significant concerns.

“The Town of Melford is proud to hold a leadership role in library security, and a solid history of contract management. We look forward to future success in these areas, and consider the matter closed to further inquiry.”

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Press Release: Melford Central Library

A Global Humanitarian for the People of Melford

Today, at Melford Central Library, Ms. Margaret Hurtubise, Deputy Director of Security, released the following brief and comprehensive statement:

“As a proud public servant, I wish to respond openly to certain questions that were asked at a recent Town Council Meeting.

“I have had a wide-ranging career that has brought me employment in various parts of the world. From 1987 to 1996, I was employed by a non-profit educational foundation in a variety of administrative capacities, supervising humanitarian aide programs. This was a rewarding experience that continues to inform my work today.

“At no time did I hold any contract, or have any other business dealings with the Government of Syria or any of its recognized agencies. I did however travel extensively throughout Syria as part of my humanitarian work. It was a great honor to bring humanitarian assistance to many needy children in that country.

“I was indeed a resident for some time at a Saudi apartment complex named the Khobar Towers, courtesy of a joint Canada-U.S. humanitarian aide program. Like many who stayed there at the time, I was deeply saddened by the loss of life that occurred in June, 1996. I consider myself fortunate to have been able to continue my humanitarian work in this troubled region of the world.

“I have been employed as DDS at the Library since the fall of 1996 and have found the experience with the townspeople profoundly rewarding. Going forward, I will be happy to entertain any questions concerning the Library’s programs and its many successes.”

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