Wonderful News

I am absolutely delighted to share with you all the results of the latest Policy Committee meeting. After extensive discussion, and with approval of the Melford Town Council, I signed off today on the Library’s new policy statement on plastic explosives. For your information—particularly for those of you with late books and fines—I now provide it. I would just like to say this was a hard-fought battle for the soul of librarianship and the public good, as well as a kick in the teeth for Eunice and her rabble.

“Policy LS-35.07.03: Plastic Explosives

"Policy Objective
The purpose of this policy is to balance the inevitably competing concerns of public safety and library integrity, and shall fall under the direction of the Deputy Director, Security.

"Scope of Application
There arise, from time to time, Holdings Recovery situations where every method sanctioned in this Manual has not resolved with a Recovery. In these cases, the DDS shall authorize the Tactical Response Squad (TRS), operating in concert with Fine Enforcement Branch (FEB), to employ plastic explosives for the purpose of fulfilling a Recovery.

"Operational Constraints
The library shall use no plastic explosives other than Semtex or CHEMEX (C4). Use of other explosives shall be a violation of Melford Central Library Policy. Plastic explosives shall only be deployed given all of the following conditions:

• The combined value of all late holdings and fees must exceed fifty (50) dollars;
• The delinquent patron shall have a TANDEMS rating of 4 or higher;
• The FEB shall supply intelligence confirming that the use of explosives will increase the Recovery Probability to at least 50%;
• A summary of prior recovery efforts shall have been supplied to the Library Director by the DDS.
  

"Accountability

Following a Recovery Event, the DDS will submit a summary the Library Director within 5 working days.”

How exciting to see our Library moving forward! I will let you know that the policy survived every single attempt by Eunice and the Circulation wets to have it watered down, including their attempt to ban explosives outright. No doubt my stern and vigorous presentation to the Melford Town Council sealed my victory, and I make no secret of the likelihood that I will use this feat to wage further war against those ninnies at the front desk.

Well, I must be off. I have a meeting with a materials broker who can get us a good contract price on Semtex. We must use the public’s dollar wisely, so expect negotiations to be vigorous.

Safe reading,
Margaret